Hard Work

Hard work needs no introduction, we all know what hard work is. It means working towards your path of success, overcoming obstacles, learning from mistakes and all the other stuff you are taught in the Class 2 Moral Science. But, the age old concept of hard work is moot today. Today, it's the era of Smart Work, i.e. is hard work in smartly judged areas. You cannot take a hammer up to hill, start banging it to break it to stones and proclaim you should be remunerated because you worked hard. You have to work hard in the most remunerative manner by judging the effects of your actions.

What Is Hard Work?
Hard Work, as I used it here, means Hard Work in Smart manner. Judging the effects of your actions, making sure you it helps you achieve what you want with the least use of resources possible, where time is also a resource. Hard Work has it's own place in your CART, you cannot succeed anywhere without hard work. Now, in management, we learn that even if the Planning is ineffective but the execution is effective, the organisation can survive. This however does not mean that we leave smart planning out of the picture, because it is what causes the difference between thrive and survive.

Hard Work As a Wheel
Hard Work is a very important part of your CART. Not only is it a wheel but also a fuel. It will take you to your goals and when you achieve them, they'll fuel you to work harder, remember when I said Goals are like checkpoints or refueling stations, this is how they refuel.
If not seen as fuel, it can be thought of as the bolts that keep the wheels attached to the CART, as without hardwork all other wheels are useless.

Importance Of Hard Work
I once read on a poster in my class, 'Hard work beats talent when Talent does not Work Hard'. I understand solving complex mathematical problems is a genetic trait but that does not mean if we work upon it, we'll not get better. Hard Work is like a fuel to your CART, it will take you from desire to destination.
My father used to say, 'Ability to work is what makes us superior to God Himself', i.e. we can work hard to improve our stature but God can't.
There is an old Urdu proverb which reads, 

'Khudi ko kar buland itna, ke har takdeer se pehlay

Khuda bande se khud puche, bata teri raza kiya hai.'

which means that one should work hard enough that the person's destiny asks him, what should be there in his future.

You Need Smart Work - Signs

Here are a few signs that one may be falling into that rut:

• They work hard throughout the day, but at the end of the day wonder if what they’ve done really made all that much of a difference.  
• They work hard but don’t feel like they get the recognition that they deserve.
• They work tirelessly but it rarely feels like they accomplish much of anything.
• Their task list is endless and they often feel overwhelmed.

Working Smart

1. Assess everything that needs to be done. Before you plunge into something headfirst, remember that enthusiasm needs to be tempered with wisdom. Look over every aspect of the job, and allow yourself ample "pondering time" so that you can be sure that every detail is accomplished on time and accurately.
2. Make an outline. Whether it's in your head or on paper, you should have a checklist in mind and follow it in order. You don't want to repeat steps, duplicate the efforts of others, make mistakes or forget anything.
3. Learn to say no. Avoid over-scheduling yourself and be realistic about what you can accomplish in a single day. Sometimes you just have to cut yourself off because in most professions, there is almost always something that could be done.
4. Limit your goals. Try to avoid multi-tasking because you often get less done since your brain is switching back and forth between tasks. Pick one thing to work on and put your best effort into that until it is accomplished.

Remember Success cannot be guaranteed everytime, but if you work hard in the direction of your goals, you are bound to achieve greatness.

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Dealing With Leverage

This article is not like my regular 'What you should have?' and 'What you should do?', it is based on the fact that you cannot always have the upper hand and you'll have to sometimes let go of the small things to achieve the big ones.

This post is based on the sole philosophy that, "You'll not always have the upper hand, but you should always hold the arm that it belongs to". My father says, "Words cost nothing but can mean everything".

Leverage Management as a Wheel:

This is a wheel, after so many posts, it is actually a wheel. Dealing with leverage is the best item in my bag of tricks. You cannot always be the one with the bigger stick, many times your lives would be at the disposal of others and that is the time you have to make sure those in power work in your benefit. Now, when I talk about dealing with leverage, I don't ask you to become a Yes Man or a Sycophant, but yes, regard those in power, there is a reason they have it and you don't.

Importance of Leverage Management

My personal experience says that you cannot utilize the influence of your superiors by insulting, or for that matter, not regarding their superiority. I will share an experience regarding an examination hall incidence. So, imagine a regular examination hall with a lot of students to give the exam and a couple of teachers to invigilate. As the exam progressed, this guy sitting two rows next to mine made some joke about the activity of a the invigilator, something regarding delaying the distribution of question paper, not the point of the story. Now, as she came up to me, I was prompt in receiving it and replied with a thanks and a smile. Later in the exam it so happened that he asked for a supplementary sheet to write and seconds later, so did I. Our invigilator had set our course to him and was nearing him but she changed her path and came up to me first instead. Now, this may seem trivial but you can imagine what the meaning is of a few minutes towards the end of an exam. Also, this little gesture made me realize that I did nothing out of the ordinary, but it did help me when she had leverage.

Now, here realized two things, respect others and they shall respect you, and what goes around, comes back around. These are petty things we leave about and come back biting our ass. Now, I could have been like the others taking my sheet, thinking that it was their duty to do so, give no reply and left unnoticed, but I didn't  I got noticed and that helped me where I didn’t even think. People want love and respect, we all are hungry for it, never gloat of what you are and never undermine the achievement of others that if they get the opportunity to ruin you, they don’t even hesitate.

Maintaining Quality Professional Relationships

1. Break the Ice: Initiate conversation with the one in power, those in power, in illusion of power would be a little hesitant to come up to someone below their stature and to get things done, you'll have to let them know you exist. Break the ice with little empty talks, or small talk, and be memorable, don't break ice with insults.
2. Smile: Now, it may seem highly obvious that we should smile and often we are in the illusion that we do it in high frequency, but we do not. Smile is the first step for registering positive thoughts about yourself in the mind of others. When I meet old acquaintances and am not willing to talk, I smile at them and they themselves initiate conversation, now that is the effect of a simple smile, it can change the outlook of people towards us.
3. Respect the Authority: What little authority people have over you, respect it, there is a reason they have it and you don't. Often times people get the validation that they're living a respectable life due to the limited scope of authority they have, in other words the authority that you may disregard is the one they achieved over their life’s hard work and measure their success with. It is common that people get beat up by cops for disregarding them. Now, I’m pretty sure that you’d have met someone whose some relative is some kind of powerful person and they badmouth cops because of it and the cops without any regard to that relative beat the shit out of them, it is common place in my locality at least.
4. Charm Them: Now, Charming people would seem awfully difficult and improbable, as it is difficult to determine what constitutes charming. Rest assured, I’ll tell you. Have a Charisma. Carry an aura of positivity and respect, treat everyone how they’d like it. Now, I don’t ask you to pay unnecessary efforts to please everyone, not make people feel they’re the only thing in life, but make sure they know that you regard their relationship.
5. Troubleshooting: Critically analyse your relationships, if they're long term, there are bound to be troubles, try to detect them early and work upon them to not let them ruin the relationships. An age old proverb by Saint Rahim, that implies that Relationships are like weak threads, don't test their endurance, if it breaks up, even if you join it again by tying, the resultant wouldn't be the same smooth thread.

A simple rule in dealing with those who are hard to get along with is to remember that this person is striving to assert his superiority; and you must deal with him from that point of view.

Friendship

Today is the Friendship's Day and well I can't help but think about the fact that friends play a big part in our life. Friends, it is said, make life beautiful. But, let's not get carried away, this blog is about Wheels To Success, and with that in mind, always remember, no one can live in isolation, we're social animals and can't survive without collusive togetherness. In social aspects, we’re judged by the company we keep. And all in all, Friends are an important sphere of existence.

Friendship As A Wheel

I know it may sound horrific but no relation exists without mutual benefits. If someone is your friend, that means they see you as an asset. It may be a terrible analysis, but it is true nonetheless. Now, when I say benefits, it does not mean financial benefits only, benefits may be in all forms, sometimes illusory as well but regardless, you cannot pest up to someone who does not want you.

Friendship I believe is not a wheel but force that pushes you forward when your cart is stuck in a rut and you’re rendered hopeless. It is said that friendship is a ship that sails when all else fails. It is important for you to keep good friends and be a true friend as well.

Making Quality Friendship

1.     Lower Your Expectations: Friendship does not mean you own the other person, or that the other person has to act a certain way just because they are your friend, the low you’ll expect the lower will be the times you’ll get disappointed and the lower will be the sourness in the relation

2.     Make Friends With Those On Your Stature: Now this may seem difficult, but it is necessary. It is said that, “A foolish friend is worse than a smart enemy”. Make friends with people who share your interests, think like you and the presence of whom will enhance your existence.

3.     Don’t Make Friendship Difficult: No one will choose you over themselves, this is a fact, make friends with people who’ll procrastinate such a choice as far as possible, also, be the kind of friend who does not make them fall into situations that require such choices.

4.     Bring Up Solutions, Not Problems: Everyone has his own problems, and it is said sharing things reduces the pain, but it may only reduce yours, and increase that of others, Bring solutions. It may seem like an awful thing to say when we feel friends are there to support us, but you cannot always bank upon it, make them not have to support you all the time, everyone gets tired and they may not be consciously thinking it but sub-consciously they’ll build upon this track and may later break out on small triggers.

5.     Be a Friend: It may seem overly obvious but be the kind of friend you want to have. Think of what you’re saying or doing from other person’s point of view and how you’d like it if that happened to you. Friendship shouldn't be a power struggle; you should not seek to have the upper hand. It may feel obvious, like I said, but we don’t follow the most obvious things we should.

6.      Don’t Test Friendships: Don’t try to let your friends run loose thinking that they’re truly your friends if they come back when you let them go, If you've abandoned them, then you yourself have no right to test if they come back. Friendship is a mutual relation, if you try to test it, you yourself may be failing and you’ll push them farther.

I read these lines somewhere, “It’s been said that everlasting friends go long periods of time without speaking and never question their friendship. These friends pick up phones like they just spoke yesterday, regardless of how long it has been or how far away they live, and they don’t hold grudges. They understand that life is busy and you will always love them.”

Ambition

You've have heard that being ambitious is adverse for your health, i.e. those who get ambitious fall to their head over heals, but I'm here to tell you all that is load crap, it's all what content people tell the ones who want to achieve why they don't try to do it, or the reason for their mediocrity.

What Is Ambition?
Ambition is defined as, "A strong desire to do or to achieve something, typically requiring determination and hard work.". Now, here, I can't find anything that is wrong, what is there not to believe in? It is good to be ambitious, to want to get what you desire. And your ambition should be pinnacle of what you want to be, why not? “If people aren't laughing at your dreams…then they aren't big enough!” was once quoted by Grayson Marshall.

Ambition As a Wheel-

Now, let's talk about why  people think of ambition as doom and why I consider it a wheel. Well, I've talked about it earlier, ambition is the CART, the cart in itself. However, people may think that of it as ill-fitting because overly ambitious people may lose the sense of practicality, everyone needs others to go up and success can't be achieved alone, thus forth, ambition should not come in the path of present accolades.
However, it does not mean that it is not important, and remember, the form in which it is created should be constructive. "Dream is not something that happens to you when you sleep, it is what when happens to you, doesn't let you sleep", and you've heard it times and time again, but it really means something.

The Right Ambition-
I read somewhere that if you want to be famous, rich and influential, then you're not ambitious, you're just an average man with average dream. 
Ambition should be well thought about, defined, believed to be achievable, broken down in to smaller and achievable goals and smartly worked upon hard.

Ambitions should not be blind, I can't up and say, I want to start Car Manufacturing, it is not only impractical, it's downright stupid. But, I'm not saying it's stupid for all of the population, if you have the knowledge, the courage, access to resources, you might as well start a Car manufacture, if you think you're capable. Ambition should not be based on the success of others, he made a fortune in Stock market, even I should try it without any knowledge of the finance market or vigilance to protect any possible harm, you should select what's right for you.

Developing Ambition-

1. Identify your goals. Strategy consultant Stephen R. Covey, author of the bestselling "7 Habits of Highly Effective People," recommends starting with the end in mind. If you do not know where you want to go or what you want your life or career to look like, you will struggle to move from your current situation.
   
2. Select a role model. Maxwell Maltz, author of "Psycho-Cybernetics," the bestselling book on visualization techniques, recommends picking someone who embodies the qualities you admire and wish to emulate. By familiarizing yourself with her habits and practices, you become accustomed to the mentality and actions required to achieve success
   
3. Recognize your own value. Many people fail to improve their lot in life because they do not feel they deserve any better. Start making a list of things that you are good at, things that make you special or things that make you stand out.
   
4. Reframe your negative beliefs, because if you cannot think why you deserve better or why you are good enough to improve your own life, then you will struggle to do so. Make a list of your beliefs about life and about yourself that you feel are barriers to living the life you wish to live, then write down the exact opposite beliefs. Then begin looking for occurrences and situations that support those new beliefs.
5. Build momentum in your life. If you are used to procrastination and avoiding doing what you want, it becomes a habit that is hard to break, while the opposite behavior, doing what you want to do and achieving results, can also become a habit that is hard to break. Tackle small tasks as soon as they come up to give yourself a sense of accomplishment, so that when you take on things that are important to you, you are already used to achieving your goals.
   

"All courses of action are risky, so prudence is not in avoiding danger, but calculating risk and acting decisively. Make mistakes of ambition and not mistakes of sloth. Develop the strength to do bold things, not the strength to suffer.” - Niccolò Machiavelli

Pride

Most people would think pride is a bad trait to have, but it is quite necessary. The thought processes behind such a belief would be based on misconceptions. Take pride in who you are, what you've done and what you've set out to achieve. Pride serves better than any other source of motivation

What Is Pride?

The dictionary defines it as, "A feeling of pleasure from one's own achievements, the achievements of those with whom one is associated, or from qualities or possession". This definition is bang on target. You should make sure what you have is pride and not arrogance, pride is a great trait to have it helps you not think of failures but about achievements, never lets others undermine the feats you've accomplished. But, Arrogance is a cruel mistress, it sours up the relations, gives you superiority complex and ruins your thrust to work. No good ever came off telling your subordinates that they are inferior, it creates a divide. You must remember, every dog has his day and if that dog comes up ahead of you, he'll bite you in the ass if you were arrogant in his dormancy.

Pride as a Wheel

I had a tryst with the importance of pride while watching the Dragonball Z episode Vegeta's Pride (should sound juvenile, I suppose, but childhood has it's days) where he says, "You may have taken my body, my mind, but there is a thing that a Saiyjin always keeps, It's his Pride." I thought people think little of people who are proud, why would then this show proclaim the need of pride. It is then that I realised that pride and honor are the qualities that determine the intensity of our actions. A real Man, would do anything to not let anything waiver his pride or honor. They provide us with drive to go beyond the ordinary, do the extraordinary, push ourselves to our limits, bear the unbearable still come out on top. This is one of the strongest wheel in my Garage.

Pride Vs. Arrogance

Pride is a word that means a person has self-respect and dignity. To feel pride in oneself or loved ones is a natural sense of successful people. In order to feel prideful, a person feels a sense of satisfaction or pleasure. Pride is often thought to be a positive sentiment.

Arrogance is a word that means a person has a feeling of being superior to other people. When people display arrogance they likely do not feel that they are in fact being arrogant, but rather they probably feel they are only prideful. Some people confuse a sense of pride for arrogance, when the actual definition of arrogance is a false-sense of superiority.

Cautious Pride

You must take pleasure in your achievements, honor yourself but that doesn't mean you feel superior to others or it makes you unable to apologize for your mistakes or to ask for help. The legendary Steve Jobs once said, "I've never had anyone refuse to help if asked nicely."  Don't be indulged in pride so much it clouds your judgement. Pride, when left unchecked, can lead to it turning into arrogance. People may start to dislike you, you may feel they're jealous, but it is only because you're obnoxious. Pride should be in your attitude, the belief what you did was doable and couldn't be achieved with ease, not that no one else can do so. Pride should be your strength, not your weakness.

Always remember what you achieved, you did it for yourself, no one else would have benefited from it, so achieving something doesn't make you superior to anyone, if you start to think so, people wouldn't care less for your existence.

Positive Use Of Pride

1.High standards

Pride is particularly useful when it helps us to have and maintain standards. I am proud of my professional abilities and will work hard to maintain them.

Pride can also be a unifying force in a group of people, such as when a team achieves a difficult challenge or lives up to its high standards. It has historically been used by leaders to encourage a depressed organization or country to feel good again.

In the negative sense, it can be used as a coercion, in the sense that you must feel proud to belong to our group. It is often used by governments to enthuse a people towards war.

Hitler, for example, used it to rally the German nation after the defeat of the first world war and the subsequent ruin. How he then used it to persuade them into terrible acts is well documented. This is an approach used by more than one politician.

2.Achievement

When we achieve a goal, we feel good about ourselves. A common part of this is feeling proud, where our self-respect and feelings of worth are boosted. In this way, our sense of identity is increased.

Pride also can be in the achievement of ownership or position, for example when getting a longed-for a new car. There is a danger here of pride leading to looking down on others, although this is not necessarily so.

Pride is greater when we have had to work hard for something, as this makes the achievement more worthwhile.

3.Superiority

Pride in itself is not a bad thing and can be very useful for maintaining standards. However, it is named as one of the Seven Deadly Sins in recognition of its shadow side, where it mainly about feeling superior to other people. This is often described as 'being prideful', as opposed to the more personal 'being proud'.

We often measure our achievement against that of others rather than our own previous performance. This is useful as a spur to determination. It is harmful when it makes us feel sadly inferior or arrogantly superior. It gets worse when we treat others badly either in spiteful revenge or prideful disdain.

The saying 'Pride goes before a fall' is an indication of how being prideful can lead to a self-importance that leads me to ignore risks (perhaps on the assumption that I am so superior the risks will not dare to happen to me).

Goals

What are Goals?
Goals are defined as, 'An observable and measurable end result having one or many objectives to be achieved within more or less fixed time frame. Now, goals are closed ended, i.e. quantity and time are defined, you achieve it at a given point and you know that point. It is predetermined and quantifiable. Goals define what we want to be, what we want to do and when would we want to do so.
Goals don't only refer to destinations to be reached but the paths to be taken to reach there as well. 

Goals As Wheels
I don't consider goals as a wheel per se, but more like a checkpoint in a race, a place to save your game. A point from where you can always pick up in events of future failure. Now, it is so because you can set goals, you can walk with them in mind but you cannot have them while you are pursuing them. So, they do not technically fit in our wheel metaphor (Read Introduction) but they are important to maintain a healthy journey.

Goals Vs. Objectives
It may sound awfully like a management studies class but I would like to clarify what I mean when I say Goal. It will help you coincide with my thinking process and may explain it better. So, Objectives are closed ended, that is like in sport, scoring goals and in the same scenario Goal would be to win the match. Goals and objectives describe what the program/project is striving to accomplish. Goals depict the general programmatic outcomes, while objectives specify more specific outcomes. It is common to have several objectives for each program/project goal.

Importance Of Goals
Now, goals are important because they prevent us from walking blindly and shooting arrows in the air. It provides you with purpose in life, purpose gives you a reason to wake up and to go to sleep with a target in mind. It defines YOUR success. I read somewhere, 'without purpose in life, you'll die everyday' i.e. if you don't have any purpose in life you'll castigate your existence. Without a goal, you'll not have anything you want to take your 'CART' of efforts to, and you'll wander till 'Your Wheels Fall Off'.
Goals also provide refueling utility, i.e. once you achieve something, your Confidence boosts up, so does your faith in your future and it also develops a positive attitude that says 'I Can and I Will'.
Goal setting is used by top-level athletes, successful business-people and achievers in all fields. Setting goals gives you long-term vision and short-term motivation. It focuses your acquisition of knowledge, and helps you to organize your time and your resources so that you can make the very most of your life.

Shaping Goals

Goal setting is a powerful process for thinking about your ideal future, and for motivating yourself to turn your vision of this future into reality.

The process of setting goals helps you choose where you want to go in life. By knowing precisely what you want to achieve, you know where you have to concentrate your efforts. You'll also quickly spot the distractions that can, so easily, lead you astray.

You set your goals on a number of levels:

• ·       First you create your "big picture" of what you want to do with your life (or over, say, the next 10 years), and identify the large-scale goals that you want to achieve.
•       Then, you break these down into the smaller and smaller targets that you must hit to reach your lifetime goals. 
•       Finally, once you have your plan, you start working on it to achieve these goals.

This is why we start the process of goal setting by looking at your lifetime goals. Then, we work down to the things that you can do in, say, the next five years, then next year, next month, next week, and today, to start moving towards them.

        

SMART Goals

A useful way of making goals more powerful is to use the SMART mnemonic. While there are plenty of variants (some of which we've included in parenthesis), SMART usually stands for:

·         S - Specific (or Significant).

·         M - Measurable (or Meaningful).

·         A - Attainable (or Action-Oriented).

·         R - Relevant (or Rewarding).

·         T - Time-bound (or Trackable).

Faith

What is Faith?
Faith in simple words is a belief in something, something other than yourself. The dictionary defines it as, ' firm belief in something for which there is no proof'. This definition is bang on target. It means putting your confidence in something where there is no factual justification, i.e. logic disapproves such a confidence, in pure sanity such belief is imprudent.
Now if it is so, why would it be a wheel to success? It is so because faith gets us to do things nothing other can. Faith calls upon your passion, the deepest corners from where you work. It pumps up your adrenaline, and since it is illogical, it pulls you up to illogical efforts.

Importance Of Faith
It is well known that some forms of cancer can only be cured with faith. The medicines, in some therapies, provide a patient only with faith, the reason the cancer cells transform into healthy cells is because the patient believes that he is getting cured. THAT IS THE POWER OF FAITH.
Faith provides you with hope when in the times of deepest distress. It will urge you to fight harder, run faster and jump higher than any of your competitors. Faith, as it has no base other than pure belief, cannot be shaken. Faith brings perseverance.

Faith vs. Confidence
Confidence may be based on past achievements, current hard-work, talents or any other reason. Faith is based solely on firm belief. Confidence breaks, true faith may get shaken but can never break. Now it should be noted that faith should only be on factors that may invoke confidence of others, i.e. faith should not be completely impractical like the belief that I can stay underwater for half an hour without oxygen supply. When I say it may invoke confidence of others, I mean if you do not feel confident enough but others around you invoke a confidence in it, you may take it down to the level of faith. My words feel like you can control every emotion, but as far you try, you'll succeed.

Faith vs. Positive Attitude
Positive Attitude is an outlook which states that the future outcome of an action would be in line of our expectations, you should try. It is the Never Give Up attitude. While faith is in what you're doing is purposeful, it'll get you what you want in the manner you want. Faith is the trigger that gives birth to Positive Attitude towards a circumstance.

Faith and Rationality

Faith and rationality are two modes of belief that exist in varying degrees of conflict or compatibility. Rationality is belief based on reason or evidence. Faith is belief in inspiration, revelation or authority. The word faith generally refers to a belief that is held with lack of, in spite of or against reason and evidence. Although the words faith and belief are sometimes erroneously conflated and used as synonyms, faith properly refers to a particular type (or subset) of belief, as defined above. Rationalists point out that many people hold irrational beliefs, for many reasons. There may be evolutionary causes for irrational beliefs — irrational beliefs may increase our ability to survive and reproduce. Or, according to Pascal's Wager, it may be to our advantage to have faith, because faith may promise infinite rewards, while the rewards of reason are seen by many as finite. One more reason for irrational beliefs can perhaps be explained by operant conditioning. For example, one study (Skinner, 1948) involved awarding pigeons grain at regular time intervals regardless of their behavior. The result was that each of pigeons developed their own idiosyncratic response which had become associated with the consequence of receiving grain.

Blind Faith
Blind faith is the most disruptive force known to mankind, it can cause crusades, invasions, public executions, mutiny, terrorism and every abominable activity known to man. Faith must therefore be chosen carefully. Now, I'm not going to talk about atheists and theists or which religion is better, but these are the talks that cause millions to lose their loved ones. A quote in Slumdog Millionaire goes, "If it wasn't for Rama and Allah, I'd still have my mother". Faith must be in constructive forces and not the destructive forces. If you put your faith in something, make sure it deserves your faith and your faith is not clouded by the actions or the words of other people.


To conclude, faith is important as it provides the basic will to do something but if allowed to run wild, it can bring destructive repercussions. Keep up your faith, in yourself and in your future, and pursue what you want with true determination and passion. 

Body Language

What is Body Language?

It is well known that 55 percent of the communication is dependent the body language of the speaker. The dictionary defines it as ‘the gestures, movements, and mannerisms by which a person communicates with others’. Body language is the factor that determines how effective your message will be to the person receiving. Body Languages is derived from sub-conscious of the people and interacts with it as well.

Body language is significant to communication and relationships. It is relevant to management and leadership in business and also in places where it can be observed by many people. It can also be relevant to some outside of the workplace. It is commonly helpful in dating, mating, in family settings, and parenting. Although body language is non-verbal or non-spoken, it can reveal a lot about your feelings and meaning to others and also how other others reveal their feelings toward you.

Importance of Body Language

A Princeton University study discovered that people make judgments about a person's likeability and competence in one tenth of a second just by looking at their headshot.
Though a headshot cannot record physical movement, it can capture the essence of a person. And that's what selectors want to see in your photograph - not who you think you can portray - but who you are right now.

Body Language and Attitude

Being able to read body language is one of the most crucial aspects of a successful interaction. The only thing that differentiates body language from spoken languages is this: everyone can speak it, but almost no one can read it. We are always saying something with our body language whether we are aware of it or not. If you can read body language, you’ll be able to get information from people that they’re not aware they’re sharing.

When you are trying to transmit a message to someone via body language, the emotional transfer that occurs should have an effect on their body language. If you notice that their body language is not sending the signals that you intended, then yours wasn’t right to begin with. You might think you’re saying one thing, but people are reading another. You have to take full responsibility for the messages your body sends, because you can have a remarkable amount of control over them if you study the way body language works. When you’re talking to someone, your job as speaker doesn’t end when the words leave your mouth; your job ends when the message enters their brain.

Humans begin to learn how to read body language when they are children. We haven’t developed strong conscious minds at that age, so most of the things that we learn mature inside our subconscious minds. The subconscious mind is home to your emotional brain, which is why body language is sent there rather than to the logical brain. That is a far more powerful ability than evoking a logical response because attraction is based on emotions.

The above video is long, so should be watched with a lot of time in hand, but it'll clear all your doubts about body language cues and messages.

Body Language Cues

• A man in power has a faster, longer stride and when his shoulders follow his stride he projects a masculine charisma.
• The last man through the door is the man in the power position and he'll gently put his hand on the submissive's back and lightly tap to further demonstrate who's in control.
• The man in power gets the upper hand - literally. Palm facing down is the dominant person, palm up is submissive. If you get in a position where you cannot do the palm down, you grab the person's elbow while still in the handshake position to balance the show of power.
• In a photo of three or more, the person in the center of the photo is the most important.
• In a photo op, the person on the right when facing the camera is the person in power and is in the correct position for a palm down, power handshake.
• A definitive statement followed by a subtle step back indicates the person is aware they're lying and their body is retreating from that statement. A quick arm cross suggests a need for protection from that lie.
• Holding hands behind the back suggests nothing to hide. But stroking hands or wrists while they're behind the back is a sign the person is uncomfortable and trying to self-soothe.
• Holding a podium suggest defensiveness. Holding the podium while the body is leaning back is self protection. Holding the podium while the body is hunched a little indicates insecurity.
• A person with confidence and integrity has their face, head, body and gestures all going in the same direction.

Self-Confidence

What is Self-Confidence?

Personally, it’s impossible to define confidence. Confidence is such an everyday word that we don’t even think what it really means. Merriam-Webster defines it as, “The state of feeling certain about the truth of something”. If we analyze it, it means a belief that a certain statement is a fact. Confidence is not only limited to ourselves but to others as well. Here, I’m going to take up only self confidence, I might emphasize on confidence all together sometime later.

Self Confidence is a belief in the ability of oneself, i.e. not doubting our own talents. It is all layman terminology, but vernacular reaches the masses.

Why do we need Self Confidence?

Self Confidence can make or break a person and his relations. As discussed in the article about Positive Attitude, Confidence in our ability shapes our attitude towards a situation, and thus, our Body Language and in turn how people perceive us. Take the following for example, (Forgive the use of girls as a motivator, It feels closer to home)-

Imagine a scenario in which you’re walking down the street. As a confident man, you recognize that you have lots of qualities that make you desirable to women. In other words, you’re hot shit, and you know it. As you’re walking, you notice a group of four attractive girls who are walking towards you. The moment you pass them, the girls all stop talking. You continue without acknowledging them, and as soon as the girls are just a few steps behind you they break out into a fit of laughter. What’s your natural response? If you believe that you are attractive, your emotions will fall in line with that belief and you will feel more attractive. You will think that the girls began laughing because they were nervous around you and wanted to get your attention. Because your beliefs lead to positive emotions, your body language will react accordingly. You will stand up straight, you’ll smile, you’ll look at the girls and hold strong eye contact with them. Voila! You are a powerful, confident man, and you are naturally displaying all of the qualities that women are attracted to.

Now let’s pretend that the same scenario happened a little differently. You’re still walking down the street, and you still pass the same group of girls. This time, however, instead of believing that you are attractive, you think that you are only mildly successful with women. When the girls start laughing behind you, what’s your natural response? Because you don’t believe that you’re attractive, you’re going feel disappointed and rejected. You might even get angry, and feel like you’ve been attacked in some way.

Now, the scenario was same in both instances, It was just how we perceived it changed it for us. I believe this example is self-explanatory and I’ll move on.

Confidence vs. Over-Confidence

Confident says, “I can do it”, while the Over Confident says, “Only I can do this”. I had a phase in life when I felt superior to God; not caring about anything but my will, and well it resulted in a lot of hardships for me. I would not care about a test the next day because I would feel that a test can’t determine my knowledge and Bam, My grades started to fell. In one incident, I had a bike accident when I felt I was too good a biker to wear a helmet. Well, these and certain other incidences made me humble. They taught me the difference between Confidence and Over-Confidence. In the epic poem, The Mahabharata, Arjuna, the greatest warrior ever decided to sharpen his arrows before the final battle against his ultimate adversary. When his younger brother asked if he was afraid, He said he is confident upon his talent but still cautious about those of his rival.  All this teaches us that ’it does not mean that we are afraid or doubt over abilities if we provide weight to adversities’.

Confidence and Judgment

Being confident does not mean that you poke you nose in every damned thing. You may have to choose your own battles but that does mean that if you avoid something it does not mean you’re weak it only means you know when to step down, and it only shows that you’re wise. However, If you avoid something because you fear, “What would they say if you make an error?” rather try to fear, “What would they say if you do not even make an attempt?” I’d suggest you to forget about the people altogether but it is not easy, so just try to develop this thought process, it is your attitude about pressure that determines your behavior about it.

Developing Confidence

1. Recognize your insecurities
2. Talk about it with friends and loved ones.
3. Bounce back from your mistakes.
4. Be thankful for what you have.
5. Be Positive, even if you don't feel the same way.
6. Accept compliments gracefully.
7. Look in the mirror and smile

Positive Attitude

What Is Positive Attitude?
As a child we all are smothered to dear life to maintain a Positive Attitude. What actually is it? Merriam-Webster defines Attitude as, "an organismic state of readiness to respond in a characteristic way to a stimulus". In the light of the above meaning, Positive Attitude becomes an ability to perceive  the good in adverse situations. It is not that you take up any challenge just because you ought to keep a positive attitude, not judging the circumstances is sheer stupidity. If you have an option to fight against The Undertaker and you think I should take up all challenges thrown out at me, I can assure you, you'll be the one getting thrown around. But yes, if there is no alternative to the fight, try to maintain a a belief that "the future is separated from the present along a fine line of actions". Try to work his weaknesses, your strength and strategize. It may not result in you winning but it can actually let it reduce from an ass kicking to a fight.

Moving On,
Why Positive Attitude?
Our body language, our confidence and the level of panic we attain in face of a problem is determined by our attitude. Our beliefs are the only things that make us respond in a certain manner. It may be difficult for us to find out the good in the situation, Sometimes there isn't any good attached to a situation, and I'm not contradicting my own approach, but even then we need to maintain the attitude that when the situation passes, the future would be better. It is easy to read but difficult to imply, I bet till this line you're feeling bored and think it is all what you know, it is, but introspect, you'll find that even with knowledge, you lack the will to maintain it.
Positive Attitude shows on our face. If I believe I can fly, I will spread my wings a thousand times and may be one day I'll find the right wings to suit my flight. Till that day, I will look curious, excited and motivated to try again. Thomas Edison, the inventor of the light bulb, made more than a thousand tries to find the filament for the incandescent light bulb before he found tungsten, when asked about his thousand failures he said, "Now, I definitely know more than a thousand ways how NOT to make a light bulb".
It is a proven fact that our attitude determines our body language. If I'm standing in front of a crowd of 50 people and I feel I'm going to fumble, I will fumble, I might actually puke upon some unlucky people in the audience, but If I start to think I can and I will, I will and I shall.

Maintaining Positive Attitude-
Blah! Blah! Blah!, that's all I think you perceived, but my will still says go on, you'll proceed, that is what is extruding positive attitude. Seeing the good in bad situations is entirely philosophical, even I can't do it all the times so I'll not give you the advice to do so, if you can, it is good.
Level with me, fear of future will always ruin the present and therefore the past endeavors, think about the future, but only your future, not the future where people comment on your failures. Everytime you fail, you'll get a piece of advice from  a person who did not succeed either. Mouths will open and shut as they please, never let them affect your actions.

Ask the following questions to yourself before doing something, this will definitely help build a sense of positivity regarding the subject:

1. Why I'm doing it?
2. What are the possible reasons of failure?
3. How will I do it?
4. Is it worth doing?
5. What will it help me achieve?

It is easy to say, difficult to do, but maintaining a positive attitude is a base where all other wheels get attached. Your attitude in life determines your altitude in life.

Diplomacy

What is Diplomacy?

Diplomacy, as defined by Winston Churchill, is the art of telling someone to “Go To Hell” in such a manner that they look forward to the trip. Dictionary defines it as, “skill in handling affairs without arousing hostility”. In essence it is the way to get your feelings out into the conversational sphere in such a manner that people do not misunderstand or disparage it.

Diplomacy is mostly associated with countries and international relations. I took part in Model United Nations where we were “Pretend Diplomats” discussing and negotiating over “International Problems”. Diplomacy is required in such events as all people have different outlook/attitude due to different cultures and upbringing. As pretend nationals, we had to make sure the honor of “Our Nation” is not offended, the views not neglected and our foreign policy taken into consideration. There too, it is all about fruitful negotiations which focus on solutions acceptable to all rather than the problem.

Why it is necessary to be Diplomatic?

1.        Less Friction: Diplomats cause no offense on part of the listener. If you tell someone, “Your smell is offensive” not only will the person start to despise you, he will also not take any action. Instead, try “You will smell better if you wear a deodorant” and in superlatives, gift them a Deodorant.
2.         Action: Diplomacy initiates action. If you tell someone, “Do <task> for me, will ya?” it would imply you do not respect their work, If you use, “I would be highly obliged if <task>” would communicate their work is appreciated and they will definitely take action. IT GETS THE WORK DONE.
3.        Effect: Effect of a diplomatic answer is far reaching than that of a straight face sadistic. If you hate a certain quality it someone, like me, I’m arrogant (I feel) and tell it to me directly that I find you rude, it will not have any impact on me as I myself know it, but if you come up to me and subtly merge an incidence which indicates about my arrogance in our conversation, I might just remember it for longer. Remember, what you do wrong will retain in your memory longer than what you did right.
4.       Better Relations: If you make sure that you don’t insult your peers, condescend them or belittle their views, not only will you be loved, people will trust you with ease and think twice before sabotaging their relationship with you.

How to be diplomatic?

1.       Think before you act. Even if you’re angry or feeling offended, take a second to breathe and think things through before you say or do anything. If you have to, actually think, “Breathe!” in your head to keep yourself calm. It might seem difficult, but taking that extra second to evaluate the situation will keep you from seeming hot-headed or presumptuous.

2.       Focus on the facts of the situation. Take a moment to step back and evaluate the situation objectively and assess the factual information before you without including your emotions.

3.       Use decisive language. Speak clearly in simple language so that the person or people you’re addressing won’t misunderstand your points.

4.       Be non-confrontational. It’s okay to be assertive, and assertiveness can even help you get your diplomatic points heard, but avoid language that could be heard as confrontational or overly aggressive.

   Try simply saying, “No” instead of saying, “There’s no way…” or, “You’ve got to be kidding”.

5.       Avoid highly emotional situations. If you are involved in a discussion that’s already emotional charged or argumentative, your attempts to be diplomatic will go unheard. Try again later.

- Suggest to the parties involved that everyone take a break and return to the conversation in five minutes when calm has returned.

- Offer to mediate a discussion once everyone has relaxed and cooled off. Being a mediator will allow you to be diplomatic with everyone involved without anyone feeling that you’re taking sides.

       6.      Refuse to be interrupted.

-Politely ask that the person interrupting you allow you to finish your thought and continue with your statement.

-Ask them to continue their thought after you’ve finished.

       7.      Choose a diplomatic posture.

-Use neutral body language to get your diplomatic point across. Look other people squarely in the eye when speaking and use a calm tone of voice.

-Relax any parts of your body that can become tense during opinionated discussions, like your hands, shoulders and brows.

-Avoid waving your hands when you talk as this can be viewed as aggressive or distracting.

-Don’t think that you have to smile or laugh every two seconds to be diplomatic. Being overly friendly will make you appear facetious and your colleagues will take you less seriously.

8.  Stand your ground. Being diplomatic means standing up for yourself, so do it. Be firm in your responses and opinions and stand by them.

The great Chanakaya once said, winner is not the one who wins over the other person through a war, but the one who wins him without a war. We have to be diplomatic at many times because we are in situations where our say matters the least and we have to instigate others to think on the line on which we are thinking. Diplomacy is like what is shown in the movie Inception, giving someone an idea in such a manner that they believe they were the source.

Diplomacy is the wheel, if not used cautiously will amount to you looking like you’ve become a sycophant but, if used with care, it will never let a door be closed for you.