Diplomacy

What is Diplomacy?

Diplomacy, as defined by Winston Churchill, is the art of telling someone to “Go To Hell” in such a manner that they look forward to the trip. Dictionary defines it as, “skill in handling affairs without arousing hostility”. In essence it is the way to get your feelings out into the conversational sphere in such a manner that people do not misunderstand or disparage it.

Diplomacy is mostly associated with countries and international relations. I took part in Model United Nations where we were “Pretend Diplomats” discussing and negotiating over “International Problems”. Diplomacy is required in such events as all people have different outlook/attitude due to different cultures and upbringing. As pretend nationals, we had to make sure the honor of “Our Nation” is not offended, the views not neglected and our foreign policy taken into consideration. There too, it is all about fruitful negotiations which focus on solutions acceptable to all rather than the problem.

Why it is necessary to be Diplomatic?

1.        Less Friction: Diplomats cause no offense on part of the listener. If you tell someone, “Your smell is offensive” not only will the person start to despise you, he will also not take any action. Instead, try “You will smell better if you wear a deodorant” and in superlatives, gift them a Deodorant.
2.         Action: Diplomacy initiates action. If you tell someone, “Do <task> for me, will ya?” it would imply you do not respect their work, If you use, “I would be highly obliged if <task>” would communicate their work is appreciated and they will definitely take action. IT GETS THE WORK DONE.
3.        Effect: Effect of a diplomatic answer is far reaching than that of a straight face sadistic. If you hate a certain quality it someone, like me, I’m arrogant (I feel) and tell it to me directly that I find you rude, it will not have any impact on me as I myself know it, but if you come up to me and subtly merge an incidence which indicates about my arrogance in our conversation, I might just remember it for longer. Remember, what you do wrong will retain in your memory longer than what you did right.
4.       Better Relations: If you make sure that you don’t insult your peers, condescend them or belittle their views, not only will you be loved, people will trust you with ease and think twice before sabotaging their relationship with you.

How to be diplomatic?

1.       Think before you act. Even if you’re angry or feeling offended, take a second to breathe and think things through before you say or do anything. If you have to, actually think, “Breathe!” in your head to keep yourself calm. It might seem difficult, but taking that extra second to evaluate the situation will keep you from seeming hot-headed or presumptuous.

2.       Focus on the facts of the situation. Take a moment to step back and evaluate the situation objectively and assess the factual information before you without including your emotions.

3.       Use decisive language. Speak clearly in simple language so that the person or people you’re addressing won’t misunderstand your points.

4.       Be non-confrontational. It’s okay to be assertive, and assertiveness can even help you get your diplomatic points heard, but avoid language that could be heard as confrontational or overly aggressive.

   Try simply saying, “No” instead of saying, “There’s no way…” or, “You’ve got to be kidding”.

5.       Avoid highly emotional situations. If you are involved in a discussion that’s already emotional charged or argumentative, your attempts to be diplomatic will go unheard. Try again later.

- Suggest to the parties involved that everyone take a break and return to the conversation in five minutes when calm has returned.

- Offer to mediate a discussion once everyone has relaxed and cooled off. Being a mediator will allow you to be diplomatic with everyone involved without anyone feeling that you’re taking sides.

       6.      Refuse to be interrupted.

-Politely ask that the person interrupting you allow you to finish your thought and continue with your statement.

-Ask them to continue their thought after you’ve finished.

       7.      Choose a diplomatic posture.

-Use neutral body language to get your diplomatic point across. Look other people squarely in the eye when speaking and use a calm tone of voice.

-Relax any parts of your body that can become tense during opinionated discussions, like your hands, shoulders and brows.

-Avoid waving your hands when you talk as this can be viewed as aggressive or distracting.

-Don’t think that you have to smile or laugh every two seconds to be diplomatic. Being overly friendly will make you appear facetious and your colleagues will take you less seriously.

8.  Stand your ground. Being diplomatic means standing up for yourself, so do it. Be firm in your responses and opinions and stand by them.

The great Chanakaya once said, winner is not the one who wins over the other person through a war, but the one who wins him without a war. We have to be diplomatic at many times because we are in situations where our say matters the least and we have to instigate others to think on the line on which we are thinking. Diplomacy is like what is shown in the movie Inception, giving someone an idea in such a manner that they believe they were the source.

Diplomacy is the wheel, if not used cautiously will amount to you looking like you’ve become a sycophant but, if used with care, it will never let a door be closed for you.