Self-Confidence

What is Self-Confidence?

Personally, it’s impossible to define confidence. Confidence is such an everyday word that we don’t even think what it really means. Merriam-Webster defines it as, “The state of feeling certain about the truth of something”. If we analyze it, it means a belief that a certain statement is a fact. Confidence is not only limited to ourselves but to others as well. Here, I’m going to take up only self confidence, I might emphasize on confidence all together sometime later.

Self Confidence is a belief in the ability of oneself, i.e. not doubting our own talents. It is all layman terminology, but vernacular reaches the masses.

Why do we need Self Confidence?

Self Confidence can make or break a person and his relations. As discussed in the article about Positive Attitude, Confidence in our ability shapes our attitude towards a situation, and thus, our Body Language and in turn how people perceive us. Take the following for example, (Forgive the use of girls as a motivator, It feels closer to home)-

Imagine a scenario in which you’re walking down the street. As a confident man, you recognize that you have lots of qualities that make you desirable to women. In other words, you’re hot shit, and you know it. As you’re walking, you notice a group of four attractive girls who are walking towards you. The moment you pass them, the girls all stop talking. You continue without acknowledging them, and as soon as the girls are just a few steps behind you they break out into a fit of laughter. What’s your natural response? If you believe that you are attractive, your emotions will fall in line with that belief and you will feel more attractive. You will think that the girls began laughing because they were nervous around you and wanted to get your attention. Because your beliefs lead to positive emotions, your body language will react accordingly. You will stand up straight, you’ll smile, you’ll look at the girls and hold strong eye contact with them. Voila! You are a powerful, confident man, and you are naturally displaying all of the qualities that women are attracted to.

Now let’s pretend that the same scenario happened a little differently. You’re still walking down the street, and you still pass the same group of girls. This time, however, instead of believing that you are attractive, you think that you are only mildly successful with women. When the girls start laughing behind you, what’s your natural response? Because you don’t believe that you’re attractive, you’re going feel disappointed and rejected. You might even get angry, and feel like you’ve been attacked in some way.

Now, the scenario was same in both instances, It was just how we perceived it changed it for us. I believe this example is self-explanatory and I’ll move on.

Confidence vs. Over-Confidence

Confident says, “I can do it”, while the Over Confident says, “Only I can do this”. I had a phase in life when I felt superior to God; not caring about anything but my will, and well it resulted in a lot of hardships for me. I would not care about a test the next day because I would feel that a test can’t determine my knowledge and Bam, My grades started to fell. In one incident, I had a bike accident when I felt I was too good a biker to wear a helmet. Well, these and certain other incidences made me humble. They taught me the difference between Confidence and Over-Confidence. In the epic poem, The Mahabharata, Arjuna, the greatest warrior ever decided to sharpen his arrows before the final battle against his ultimate adversary. When his younger brother asked if he was afraid, He said he is confident upon his talent but still cautious about those of his rival.  All this teaches us that ’it does not mean that we are afraid or doubt over abilities if we provide weight to adversities’.

Confidence and Judgment

Being confident does not mean that you poke you nose in every damned thing. You may have to choose your own battles but that does mean that if you avoid something it does not mean you’re weak it only means you know when to step down, and it only shows that you’re wise. However, If you avoid something because you fear, “What would they say if you make an error?” rather try to fear, “What would they say if you do not even make an attempt?” I’d suggest you to forget about the people altogether but it is not easy, so just try to develop this thought process, it is your attitude about pressure that determines your behavior about it.

Developing Confidence

1. Recognize your insecurities
2. Talk about it with friends and loved ones.
3. Bounce back from your mistakes.
4. Be thankful for what you have.
5. Be Positive, even if you don't feel the same way.
6. Accept compliments gracefully.
7. Look in the mirror and smile